Doing the work

"The work begins when you want to get out of the pose" is a phrase I heard often during the beginning of my relationship with yoga. Lately it's struck me how true this is for life as a generalization, the work begins when it (the yoga pose, the relationship, the job, whatever) stops being easy. You learn about yourself in the discomfort and uncertainty, what you need and what you are capable of.

One of the biggest realizations I have had to date has been that there is no 'right' answer. I've worked hard to learn what is right- the right answer, the right thing to say, the right thing to do with my life, and so realizing that there is no 'right' thing blew my mind. I remember being terrified that I didn't know what to do next, then gradually feeling this overwhelming sense of relief and freedom. I no longer could do the 'wrong' thing.

As I've grown into the person I want to be, I've had to let go of some rigid and unrealistic expectations. Many of these expectations were instilled in me as a child and were so deeply ingrained that I didn't realize they were there, but they shaped who I became. Our learned behavior can be hard to identify, especially if you are doing the work alone. There is still such stigma around counseling that many people are discouraged from seeking support for their mental health and are trying to handle life all on their own. But if we think of mental health in the context of dental health, it's easy to see the disparity. Why wouldn't you get at least an annual check up? If you were to leave cavities untreated you could end up with a lot of pain and a bigger problem than if you had just gone in and gotten a filling or kept up with regular dental cleanings. Mental health is no different- there doesn't have to be a problem to go in for counseling, but seeking counseling can help you prevent bigger problems down the line. I've met so many people who are unhappy with their lives, relationships, jobs, and bodies. I recognize a piece of myself in them, and hope that they can one day face their own raw truth.

A friend of mine reminded me that no one has to go through anything alone. Self-care and understanding is our responsibility, but everyone out there is dealing with the same things we are (aging, financial hardship, relationship dynamics, work stress, unrealistic familial expectations, etc.). Even on our toughest day, support from people who love and accept us is right there. We just have to be vulnerable with them, lean in to their trust and sit with our own discomfort.

Do the work.